The Friday After Easter .... One Year Later

As I got dressed this morning, I couldn't help but think about one year ago today. Well, it wasn't really TODAY, but with Easter in context, it was. It was the Friday after Easter, and it was your average day. I was still working. I'd been back to work 4 days and had 5 to go before my leave began. I was tired. I lost my momentum during Easter break, and it wasn't coming back. If I could just get through the following week - and NJASK - I'd be able to breathe.



Maura had other plans. I was just over 35 weeks pregnant. I headed to bed early, only to awaken a little after 1 am. I was bleeding...a lot. My heart sank. Joe was still up. He hadn't even made it to bed when I called down to him. We had to go to the hospital. I was having this baby soon.



This is where it all really began. It didn't begin in the NICU. It didn't begin at CHOP. It began in the middle of the night in my own house, where the reality of my placenta previa really set in: It wasn't moving.

The days that followed were full of uncertainty. We were tired, stuck in labor and delivery, and I had no idea when I was really going to have this little baby. Joe went back and forth many times that weekend, shuttling Patrick between family. We hadn't really planned on this.



As I look back on the last year, it's been a whirlwind...no..it's been a tornado. It's been the hardest year of my life. As we come full circle to Maura's birthday on May 2nd, my mind reels. I have joy for a beautiful special little girl, but I also have much sadness. I missed so much in the haze. As I process it, I hope that next year I'll report that I've come to terms with it all..and until then, I'll just take some time to snuggle that little one who smiles at me like an angel from above...after all, isn't that what she is?